FF7: Barret vs The Burger King Guy 3: Final Bout
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! The final episode of the Barret vs. The Burger King Guy trilogy. The tension between Barret and the Burger King Mascot explodes as Cloud and the rest of the FF7 gang joins in on the conflict. Who will win in the end?


**Story**: Barret vs. The Burger King Guy 3: Final Bout**  
Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: February 27th, 2007  
**Genre**: Action/Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language, violence)  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own FF7, Burger King, or any other fast-food chain and their wacky mascots!

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**One Shot: Barret vs. The Burger King Guy 3: Final Bout**

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Another week has passed since Barret's second encounter with The Burger King Guy at one of his fast food chains. Avoiding a third encounter with that creepy mascot, Barret heavily armed himself wherever he went. After feeling a bit of relief of not facing The Burger King Guy in a while, Barret goes back to his usual routine of blowing up Mako Factories.

One evening after decimating Sector 7's Plant, Barret gets in his car and decides to take the freeway home. As he drives onto the on-ramp, he notices a large 18-wheeler truck drive up beside him. The truck stayed next to Barret through most of the drive home.

"**What the hell is this fool doing?"** Barret said as he began speeding up to get away from the truck. That didn't work as the truck drove faster to catch up with him. Barret stuck his head out the window and yelled at the driver of the truck.

"**Hey! Move your no-driving ass out of the way!"** he said. Shortly after, the driver of the truck revealed himself as Barret said those words.

It was The Burger King Guy.

"**Mother-$#&!"** yelled Barret as The Burger King Guy swerved his 18-wheeler into Barret's car, ramming it into the highway's shoulder.

"**Shit!"** yelled Barret as he tried to regain control of his car. He somehow managed to do so, but The Burger King Guy swerved again, ramming Barret once more. Now his car was spinning out of control.

"**Waaaaaah!"** Barret yelled, as the last thing he saw was an off-ramp fork, in which he collided into with a great crash.

Everything went black after that incident.

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**The Burger King HQ**

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Several hours later, Barret slowly began to regain consciousness.

"**Ugh…oh…shit man…what the hell…happened? Where…am I…?"** he asked groggily as he opened his eyes.

He was in a dark, cold room, tied up to a chair. His gun-arm was removed, and he had several scratches and bruises all over his body.

"**Urg! What's going on?"** he growled as he struggled to free himself, but to no avail.

Moments later, door from behind him opened, and a shadowy figure stepped into the room. He walked in front of Barret, and flicked on an overhead light.

It was, you guessed it, The Burger King Guy.

"**You! What the #&#& do you want with me?"** Barret yelled at him in pure anger.

The Burger King Guy turned around and rolled over a TV toward Barret. He popped in a videotape, and turned it on.

"**What's this?"** Barret said as he watched the video.

The video showed recording of Midgar Elementary School during recess. The camera pans over to a young kid and his pals picking on another student.

"**H-hey! That's me when I was in 3rd-grade!"** said a shocked Barret.

The camera zooms in closer on the kid being picked on by young Barret and his gang.

That kid was a smaller kid-version of The Burger King Guy when he was little.

"**You mean to tell me we went to the same school together?"** Barret said, still not believing that he had picked on The Burger King Guy back in school.

The video continued to show Barret continuing to torment The Burger King Guy throughout Junior High, High School, and even College.

"**Oh shit…"** Barret muttered, as he looked at The Burger King Guy. But soon his expression turned angry.

"**That's still not going to cover the fact that you got my order wrong when I first ate at your damn restaurant!"** Barret responded.

The Burger King Guy gave a 'Oh really?' gesture at Barret.

"**Yeah, I got video footage too! Check my left pocket!"** Barret said. The Burger King Guy did what Barret said, and pulled out another videotape. He popped it into the VCR and pressed 'Play'.

This tape showed Barret giving his order at Burger King. The Burger King Guy goes into the back and purposely grabs the wrong order and gives it to Barret.

"**Yeah! What now, bitch? Now you know why I was pissed off that day!"** Barret said angrily.

The Burger King Guy shook his head. He moved aside the TV and pulled out a machine gun and pointed it at Barret.

"**So you're going to shoot me for being rude to you all these years? I may not remember all the things I've done, but you're taking this shit too far!"** Barret said, not letting his guard down.

**CRASH!**

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Vincent, Red XIII, Cait Sith, and Cid rushed into the room and pointed their weapons at The Burger King Guy.

"**We're here to help, Barret! Vincent eventually told us about this guy who has been stalking you for almost a month!"** Cloud said.

"**Yeah! So let our buddy go you big meany!"** Yuffie said to The Burger King Guy.

The Burger King Guy lowered his weapon and snapped his fingers. From out of the shadows came several familiar individuals who seemed to be working for him.

"**What the hell?"** Cid said as Ronald McDonald, The Taco Bell Chihuahua, Wendy's Dave Thomas, KFC's Colonel Sanders, Jack from Jack In The Box, The Cactus from Taco Time, and Jared from Subway came into view. Everyone but Jared was holding dangerous-looking weapons.

"**Hey, you don't look intimidating!"** Tifa said to Jared.

"**You wanna bet?"** Jarred said as he unzipped his costume, revealing his 500-pound fatass self before he went on the Subway diet.

Cloud rushed forward and cut Barret free from his ropes with his Buster Sword.

"**Barret, you handle The Burger King Guy, we'll take care of the rest of these fast-food psychos!"** Cloud said as he and the others got into battle.

"**Damn straight!"** Barret said in relief, as he noticed 'The King' run up a flight of stairs trying to get away. Barret was soon on his trail.

"**Oh no the hell you don't!"** Barret shouted as he went after his foe.

Halfway up the stairs, Barret caught up to him and tackled 'The King'. The two wrestled and rolled across the floor, exchanging blows. Barret grabbed a nearby vase and smashed it into The Burger King Guy's face. He retaliated by popping Barret across the face with the butt of his machine gun. Suddenly, something fell out of The Burger King Guy's robe.

"**My gun-arm!"** Barret said as he snatched it away and reattached it to his arm. **"Eat lead, ass-hole!"** Barret shouted as he began firing at 'The King'.

'The King' dodges the fire, and begins shooting back himself. The two continued to exchange shots as they made their way across a long hallway, evading each other's attacks. Halfway down, 'The King' spots a nearby elevator and hops in.

"**Damn,"** Barret said, as he looked up and saw what floor 'The King' would end up on. So with that, he rushed up several more flights of stairs until he got the floor where his foe would appear. As the elevator opened, Barret was about to open fire, when he saw 'The King' holding a rocket launcher. Barret yelled as he was bombarded with several rounds of giant BK Chicken Fries.

After falling to the floor, 'The King' continues running down the hall and goes through a side door that lead out onto the building's roof access.

"**Get back here!"** Barret yelled as he got up and followed him outside.

It was almost sunrise as the two continued to battle each other with a mix of melee and ranged combat. Eventually, 'The King' got the upper hand. He had backed Barret to the edge of the 50-story building and had him at gunpoint.

"**So this is it…"** Barret said, heaving from exhaustion. 'The King' cocked his gun and was ready to shoot at any moment.

That's when Barret had an idea.

"**Hey! You're robe is unzipped!"** Barret pointed at The Burger King Guy.

'The King' looked down at his robe, and no sooner then he had realized that his robe didn't have a zipper; Barret grabbed him and vaulted him over his shoulder and over the edge of the building. 'The King' fell down the skyscraper and hit the ground below with a crash.

It was over.

Barret slumped own to the ground and smiled.

"**Finally…finally! That damn Burger King Guy is gone for good!"** he said with satisfaction.

Shortly thereafter, Cloud and the rest of the FF7 crew joined him on the roof after they had defeated 'The King's' cronies.

"**Is that bastard gone?"** Cid asked while helping Barret up to his feet.

"**Yeah. I don't think he could have survived that fall. Let's go home, everyone,"** Barret said as he and the others made their way back into the building.

**This concludes the Barret vs. The Burger King Guy trilogy.**

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**But one must wonder even now…Is it really over?** **THE END…?**

**Please review! And check out the next saga: The FF7 Crew vs The Burger King Guy, already up!**


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